Ceepin' up with the Cate's: Sedate and Medicate

Have you ever had one of those days when the moment your eyes open you just know it is going to be a crapy day. That happened to me yesterday morning. I woke up to Kevin attempting to be quiet as a mouse trying to wake me up. Dude no need to be all quiet if your goal is to wake me. He bent down kisses my forehead and says "baby when you get up I need you to do something for me" As I tried with all my might to open my eyes to look at him I hear the words Sometime throughout the night a cat must have gotten into out trash cause there is just a little trash scattered on the driveway." He is still being all quiet and sweet. So I was a little confused. I really wasn't 100% awake so I just made some noise as if to say ok ok I hear you now shut the hell up. NOT TRYIN' TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU FIRST THING IN THE MORNING! I clearly didn't pay attention to our little talk so all I got out of it was something about Cats. I hate cats. I roll overed and tried to go back to sleep. After laying there for a few minutes 1 eye popped open. I looked around the room to see if he was still there before I got out of the bed. I stumble into the kitchen for some coffee to wake up with and notice the world had stopped turning sometime throughout the night. There was no "to do" list. I didn't know what to do with myself. I stood there totally forgetting about my much needed coffee. Then I really thought about it for a sec... no way he didn't leave me a note. He always does and what was so special about today. OH NO!?!?! Had I forgotten something important? Was it our anniversary? I knew it wasn't my Birthday, What was I missing???? Couldn't figure it out so I made my coffee and sat down to watch a little of the Today show before the kids woke up. Then I remembered something about a cat. Eeeeeeerrrrr I hate cats and even thinking about them makes my skin crawl. Why in the world would I be thinking about cats??? Must have dreamt about them last night. OH well. As I was taking a nice long sip of my coffee it hit me...damn cat got into our trash...I remember. So I get my robe and head out to the driveway to see what the little cat had done. Garage door is going up and I am waiting there with my broom and trash bag and then I see it. There was no way in hell a cat did this!!! There was trash on every square inch on our driveway and out into the alley. This was a freaking Mountain Lion. A cat my foot... Now it makes much more sense as to why I didn't have a To Do list. He saw this and knew after having to clean this mess up there was no way he was going to get away with a To Do list as well. Holy Cow. I get to cleaning up this trash and there is some of the most disgusting things in our there I had ever seen. Where had some of this stuff come from I wondered... And the amount of trash juice that was now all over me was unbearable. I needed a gas mask and that really think plastic suit since I was sure something in there was toxic. Some one needs to call the news channels and let them know there is a mountain lion running wild in North Dallas.
So the rest of yesterday was normal until I started to get ready for work. Kevin had just walked through the door and was watching the kids jump on the trampoline while I got dressed. I hear Barron cracking up and thought I would go see what was so funny. I am sure at this point candid camera man popped his little head over my fence to catch me in the moment. i get to the trampoline and didn't notice anything funny at all so I asked Barron what she was laughing at. I noticed Kevin giving her this look as if to tell her through his eyes the keep her mouth shut. Lucky for me 5 year olds don't get that and she spilled the beans. So Kevin thought it would be a good idea to try and teach Fulton how to tee tee on a tree. Nice Kevin such wonderful things you opt to teach our children. I thought he learned his lesson after teaching Barron to tee tee outside and it backfiring on him when she took it to the next level and pooped in the middle of our driveway while he was chatting with one of our neighbors but I guess not. So clearly a 2 year old has no idea about aim and all that jazz so he tee teed all over himself. Wonderful. Oh well not my problem I was off to work so Kevin could deal with it. So I head back in to finish getting ready when Kevin started yelling will you please bring me a diaper. I bring one out to him just in time to catch the main event. My genius husband pulled up Fulton's pants without putting a new diaper on him and put him back on the trampoline. If you keep up with my blog I am sure you know where this is heading. Fulton freakin poops. No diaper and it is everywhere. I am trying to clean it up with Barron still jumping and poop bouncing with her. Kevin is looking on just laughing. I am so irritated at this point I am yelling at him at the top of my lungs for all the neighbors to hear. I am screaming at him to get me wipes and something to clean all this up with and he looks at me and says I am not moving till you stop yelling. How in the name of God does one stop yelling when they are in the middle of a poop covered child another kid jumping and poop bouncing, all the while Fulton is playing in it. Could you stop yelling? Kevin is taking his sweet time. He was honestly moving at turtle speed. I am so mad at this point my face had to be 50 different shades of red when Barron looks at me and in the sweetest voice says "mommy is your head about to pop off?" When I told her no she then says "Normally when you face gets that red you say your head is about to pop off and if it does I want to close my eyes". So I finish cleaning up the mess and head out to work, smelling delightful I'm sure.
Moving on to today. I am in panic mode searching for a cocktail dress. Kevin informed me 2 days ago that I need a cocktail dress for Saturday night. Hello Keivn this type of thing takes weeks. I don't know about you but with me every time I am looking for something I can't find it but if I'm not looking it seems to be around every corner. This search for the dress being no different. I take advantage of only having one child with me and hit the stores in hopes of finding the perfect dress. Little did I know what was in store for me. Fulton was being so good while I shopped but I guess he had had just about enough of the fun and had a minor meltdown. Nothing major or dramatic just a minor meltdown. This random lady strolls on over to check out the situation and express her concern. Clearly she doesn't have kids because this tantrum was a day at the beach compared to others I have witnessed. So I calm the child with good old fashioned bribery. Now back to the real issue. No dress for Saturday. So I am about to start looking again when Fulton drops the gum I had given him and the waterworks begin. This freaking lady walks up to me again and tells me my child is disturbing the whole store and I need to leave. Huh?!?!?! Is she really going there? I stood there for a moment trying to convince myself that I misunderstood her. I very nicely said Thank you for your concern but I got it under control. This crazy woman wouldn't stop she kept on and on. By this time we had a crowd gathered. I am pretty sure all these people watching this unfold were secretly hoping for a cat fight. So Crazy lady says it again louder and much ruder this time. So I repeated myself this time a little louder. It was everything I could do not to swing at her. However being a lady I turned to walk the other direction. Not helping!!! She kept on.... So finally I looked at her with my voiced raised a little louder than I had anticipated and said "Look Lady Back off and mind your own business". She looks at me with darts coming out of her eyes and walks off. I turn around to go on about my business and this crazy lady has now stopped half the freaking store to hold court about it. Honestly this kinda stuff doesn't just happen to people. Once again that damn candid camera man must have been hiding somewhere in Nordstroms. I left with no dress, embarrassed and so mad its a wonder my head really didn't pop off. Happy Friday to me!
May you all have a weekend filled with non-crazies!