Very productive day with Barron at school. I was able to get tons of things done that needed my attention. I had very few interruptions until as usual Kevin started blowing up my phone. He always seems to call me about 900 times a day to see what I am doing. I hear the phone ring and a very long helllllllllooooooooo Mrs Cate. He always seems to say it in slow motion which completely drives me nuts! I have debated many o times to answer the phone with that R2-D2 voice and hanging up as if I couldn't hear a thing he was saying. This would have to be very carefully planned and timed to perfection. Since he calls so much I know exactly what he is going to say in those totally unnecessary phone calls which began when I became a Mom and decided to stay home with my babies. Random calls throughout the day always wanting to know the same thing. What I'm doing? Really you don't have anything better to do?!?!?!? I am convinced the reason he was calling wasn't because he truly gave a Rats rear end but because he wanted to make sure that I wasn't watching the Young and the Restless. He was (and still is) totally under the impression that Stay at home Mom is a fancy way of saying "I'm a mother who doesn't work and I love me some daytime TV". Yes I watch The Young and the Restless" Hello you would too...don't lie! But there is still no reason to call 900 times to make sure I'm not. You know the second that phone rings the TV goes on pause or mute anyway. With that being said Kevin seems to think that all stay at home moms do nothing but watch daytime TV, shop, drink and bitch... while most of that is true we also deal with everything that needs to be done, Dr. appointments, activities, etc...etc... Stay at homes mom's are creative women. I am not talking about the creativity to make something out of construction paper. I'm talking about creativity that keeps the kids busy enough to do the things we do. I know for me when I find something that the kids love and keeps them busy for a few hours while I can have a little guiltless pleasure such as facebook, mindless TV, or even a warm bath with no one yelling they want to get in too it is a true accomplishment. The other day I thought I had it all figured out. Barron and Fulton were going to jump on the trampoline and I could sit in the office watch the Bachelor on the computer and still see them. Genius right? You would think but not so much. I could see them outside the window watching them play and thought all was well in the house of Cate. I couldn't have been more wrong. They were sitting in the middle of the Trampoline laughing and laughing. I was ready to get out the camera thinking how cute it was that they were playing so well together. I then noticed Barron was not only laughing she was yelling gross and eeeewwwww. I got up to investigate..... Fulton had decided to finger paint the trampoline with what appeared to be greenish /brown colored finger paint. I was just about to get onto Barron for getting out her finger paints without me there when I realized it wasn't finger paint and where in the wide wide world of sprots were Fulton's pants and diaper?!?!?!? With that I am now more than ever convinced that there are Candid Cameras are all over my house. I am pretty sure someone out there gets some kind of sick pleasure watching me have to deal with these ridiculous situations. I want to tell that person now To STOP!!! This just isn't funny anymore. If you insist on continuing to use me as your candid camera subject at least lay off the poop situations. There was a Sour Patch kid on the floor yesterday that one of the kids had dropped and I couldn't even think about picking it up and popping it in my mouth without gagging, The thoughts of purple gummy's danced in my head and I blame you Mr. Candid Camera Man!!! On a different note...
My sister and I have convinced ourselves that we are the funniest people we have ever met and we need a reality show. We find ourselves in these hilarious situations all the time. Now, I am convinced the reason these happen is because there is a candid camera man following me, knowing something absurd is about to happen. My sister is truly one of the funniest people you could even know and being around her is scary or hilarious at the same time. You never know if you are going to be laughing till you wet your pants or if your about to get shot. My mother is convinced that we are going to get ourselves killed someday. I can remember a few years ago we packed in my car (kids and all) and we were off for a fantastic day of shopping. Driving to our first destination with the music up as loud as it could go rocking out to either the Spice Girls, Baby got Back or Kelly Clarkson's "Since you've been gone" when this fat man pulled up in is white PT cruiser. His car was just about to touch mine on Ashley's side. He was all up in my lane and yelling about all kinds of madness. He was cussin' us like we had just done something wrong. Which I am sure is the case since I am the world's worst driver. I should have people sign a wavier before getting in the car with me. Anyway this little man in his cruiser was completely out of control. Ashley was just looking at him as if he had 6 heads and laughing. Didn't help! He kept on and on. BTW we were still driving down the street at this point. Ashley turns and looks at me with this smirk on her face that only means one thing..... TROUBLE! She reaches over and grabs her route 44 sonic drink, takes a big long sip as if she was trying to be sexy pulls the straw out of her mouth, removes the lid and I'll be damned if she did throw that drink right in that mans face. So now not only did he clearly have anger issues but he was also drenched. I floored it and didn't look back laughing like a hyena! Surprised we didn't get shot. Story for the Grandkids some day! On a different occasion I believe over Christmas I had been home for about a week. My sister and I decided we wanted to hang with our equally as funny brother for the afternoon. A few beers became a good idea and before you know if we had pilled in my "Mom Car" with the video camera ready for anything. Decided it would be an fantastic idea to play a friendly game of "poo dollar" For those of you who don't know about the game of poo dollar you are missing out. It should totally be an olympic sport. You smear dog poo on one side of a dollar and lay it poo down in a parking lot where lots of people are walking to and from their cars. (An empty parking lot doesn't work so well) After the poo dollar is in its place you sit in an undisclosed location of the parking lot and wait. Before too long some fool is going to pick up that dollar thinking its their lucky day. After a few seconds they quickly realize their lucky dollar is covered in poop, freak out and drop the dollar. Hilarious!!! If you are lucky when they drop the dollar it falls poo down so you don't have to send someone out of hiding to turn it over and get it ready for the next victim. The game is a little less then mature but it makes for a cheap afternoon of entertainment and laughing. This truly is the days of our lives in the Lord/Cate family. We once again are the funniest people we have ever met and need a Reality show. I'll keep everyone posted as to when the show is picked up and debuts! Some lucky networks ratings are going to sky rocket. If for some bazar reason I don't have any takers I think I'm gonna try and get on the Real Housewives of Dallas. I hear that Bravo is considering it. I'll again keep you posted with my progress. For now get off your computer and go outside. Its perfect poo dollar weather.
