I would like to take a moment to discuss a little Romance. As you learned in previous posts I am not a huge fan of this phenomenon. I am good with a evening at the Lakewood's 1st and 10 or the Regal Beagle (oh how I miss that filthy place). No need for Cheesy lines and candles...blah blah blah. So with that I would like to address last night. I have watched the Bachelor since season 1 with whats his name? Mr. Forgettable! The only person I remember from that season is Trista and thats only because ABC has shoved her down out throats for years. I can't figure out why I continue to watch. That show is all about cheesy romance. If a dude said some of the things to me that they say to each other on that show I would be out of there in a New York Minute. Hearing some of those thing is like nails on a chalkboard and just makes me want to yack! I think I would rather have a guy pick me up for a date wearing Tevas and socks. I could at least deal with that. Sure I would be embarrassed going out with someone looking like a fool but I could deal with that better then "my heart was literally crying for you" and " oh baby why do I like having you in my arms so much" comments which is what Mr. Jake busted out with last night. BTW someone did use that line on me once " why do I like having you in my arms so much" My answer... I'm not sure but we need to talk. Bless his heart that was the last cheesy line he used on me. Robyn...Out.. Back to my original point... don't get me wrong normally if a guy showed up for a date with tevas and socks on I would simply shut the door and put my PJs back on but if given the choice between cheesy lines/ blowin smoke up my rear end and tevas and socks, its gonna go with Mr. tevas every time. My brother and sister use to play this game that was just impossible to play. They would come up with these ungodly situations that no one in their right mind would be able to choose between. Example: Would you rather eat a fat ugly mans booger or eat a pile of horse poo? HUH?!?!?! Really?!?!?! They would always get so mad at me because my answer was always the same... neither!!!!!! And they would say no no no you have to choose one. How is one to choose something like that. I am for damn sure not going to eat a ugly fat mans anything and horse poo isn't an option either. So I would always get expelled from the game.
I have always wondered why I have such an issue with Cheesy dudes. I am kinda a girly girl and you would think I would eat that stuff up. But instead it makes me itch and I don't fully understand why... After thinking about it for a while and going back to my childhood wondering what went wrong there that would make me so opposed to this and I think I figured it out. I blame it all on my brother. Now everyone get your minds out of the gutter... sicko's!!! Yes I'm from Arkansas but that isn't what I meant. I blame him for a very different reason that all your sick minds are thinking. He and I use to share a bathroom. We had our own toilets and sinks but we had to share a tub/shower area. I can remember every time I went to take a bath I needed to take an axe in there with me to scrape off all the boogers he had whipped on the walls. I think there was a whole booger constellation on that wall. He would also fart on me and poop in my bathroom "forgetting" to flush so that I would have a little gift the next time I would walk in. I think I grew up thinking that this is just how guys act... Nasty creatures that irritate us so much but we couldn't live without. On my mothers side I was the only girl for a while. I had 2 older cousins, both boys. And they along with my dad and uncle would fart and blame me. Yelling eeeewwwww Robyn honey your sick... I can't believe you just tooted at the table or Ugh Robyn didn't your mama teach you not to toot in public. I would insist over and over again it wasn't me before busting out in tears. I guess teasing me was a way for them to show me they cared and loved me. This in turn is what I expected all men to do and behave.
When I met my husband he always told me he would never marry a girl that didn't grow up with brothers. I never really understood why but I think I finally get it. He said this because he knew he would be able to fart on me etc..etc.. and it wouldn't faze me at all. I have never really flinched when he did something disgusting. I brushed it off as I learned to do with my brother and cousins so many years before. I was never really shocked by anything he did and I loved the fact that he new my issues with cheesy and didn't go there at all. I have always thought that we were a match made in an uncheesy Heaven. He isn't the most romantic person either and also isn't a big fan of Cheese. He took that to a whole new level a few years back while on a lovely vacation in California. We were having a fantastic trip when he brought up the idea of a day trip to Tijuana. What a wonderful idea I thought, a little day trip to sunny Mexico. Ummm Hello no one warned me that Tijuana and Cancun were not even close to the same atmosphere. I was absolutely mortified after crossing the boarder. I hadn't seen such filth since the Regal Beagle. Anyway we made the best of it and whet walking up and down the trashed streets of not so beautiful Tijuana. I was superglued onto Kevin's arm with fear that I was going to be abducted at any moment my the Mexican drug cartel. We stopped for a few beers and had decided to move on to the next destination. This is when my not so romantic and no cheese husband looks me dead in the eye with a total straight face and says "Hey Honey lets go see the XXX women and a donkey show... it'll be romantic." At this I stopped dead in my tracks, my mouth hit the filthy ground of Tijuana and ate my words. I see it clearly now...It doesn't have to be cheesy to be romantic I just has to be the furthest thing from a woman and a donkey show!!!

For the first time in a long time I didn't have any poop issues. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I feel like my life lately has been completely bombarded with poop. Pooped disguised as purple gummy's, poop finger paints, and poo dollar. I am beginning to detect some sort of pattern. So for now I am poop free and what a relief that is. However, I am very aware that the night is young and that there is plenty of time for that to all change. I may be eating my words by night fall. I suppose eating my words is much better then the forever dreaded purple gummy. I feel like J Lo in that movie The wedding planner. She won't eat any M&M's that weren't brown and now till the day I die I won't eat gummy's that are purple. And now I will never be able to eat any gummy without thinking of J Lo and that stupid movie. Moving on to more important issues.
I feel like I have been a bad American by not watching every minute of the olympics. I would rather eat purple gummy's then watch a sport I think it ridiculous in the first place. I would like to add a small disclaimer here if you don't mind: If you or anyone you know, have met, play golf with or work in the cubical next to, partakes in any of the below listed sports I truly mean no offense. Curling? I mean honestly! I don't see shuffelboard in the summer olympics and it seems to me that is the same thing. The only difference being one is on ice and the other on a sandy table. I'm pretty sure one of them involves a broom or a mop of some kind... who cares potato potahto. Please explain to me what the point is and how in the name of God does one find out that they are good at it. I can't ever remember as a kid running out to play a friendly game of Curling. I do however, remember skiing, show boarding, ice skating, etc... you know "real sports" I also can't seem to wrap my head around skeleton. I don't know at what point it becomes a good idea to get on a sled Head first nonetheless and go down a humongous ramp at 90 miles a hour. Did these people's parents not teach them not to do stupid things that could cause bodily harm? And where was that irritating tattle tale to run and tell their parents on them for doing in anyway. I truly think some people have the sense God gave a goose. I do however enjoy watching a little Ice skating. Barron and I are way into Johnny Weir. He is totally off his rocker and I think it is fantastic. Something about that man/girl fascinates me. And I think he is a spectacular skater. We have also enjoyed a little couple skating and ice dancing action. I am totally confused about many of them being married and/or dating. I was under the impression that Men figure skaters were gay. Shows me not to stereotype. So the other night we all packed in my bed to playing a little "Country Family" and watching a little ice dancing. We were totally into it when Kevin pointed out that there were not only some married skaters but also a few brother/sister teams. The second those words came out of his mouth he gave me this death stare and says "don't you even think about it" I sat there in a state of shock for a second not knowing what in the world he could possible be referring to. Did he honestly think that I would subject my own precious son to a life of ice dancing. Really?!?!? I might as well sign him up for Ballet and a little Ballroom Dancing classes while I was at it!! Did he really think I would do that? Did he know me at all? Hello I was born into a family of men who kill things for a hobby. My always manly dad and brother would disown me. Fulton will be subjected to a life of hunting and killin' things but definitely not ice dancing. Like every mother from Arkansas we want our son's deep in the heart of Stuttgart come huntin' season not prancin' around the ice rink unless he is learning to play the also manly sport of hockey. I already have to be a soccer mom I'm not sure I could take being a Hockey mom too. I think that would come with a territory I am totally unfamiliar with. I would have to give good ole Sarah Palin a call to figure out what goes along with being a hockey mom and I'm pretty sure with my accent I wouldn't fit in with all the yankee's so I think I'll stick to the original idea of good old fashioned huntin'. Do my dad and brother proud. And with that I must go as the ever lingering poo issue has reared it's ugly head again. Fulton has just pooped in the tub. Fantastic!

The day was a good day for the most part yesterday. Yes I ended up on the couch again but there was next to nothing I needed to clean and there wasn't anything that had been demolished. What a wonderful surprise. I was a little irritated about the couch but mums the word. (picking my battles) I was going to sleep with a clean house and was super excited about it. Got all tucked in to watch my favorite OC housewives and lights out for Robyn.
Very productive day with Barron at school. I was able to get tons of things done that needed my attention. I had very few interruptions until as usual Kevin started blowing up my phone. He always seems to call me about 900 times a day to see what I am doing. I hear the phone ring and a very long helllllllllooooooooo Mrs Cate. He always seems to say it in slow motion which completely drives me nuts! I have debated many o times to answer the phone with that R2-D2 voice and hanging up as if I couldn't hear a thing he was saying. This would have to be very carefully planned and timed to perfection. Since he calls so much I know exactly what he is going to say in those totally unnecessary phone calls which began when I became a Mom and decided to stay home with my babies. Random calls throughout the day always wanting to know the same thing. What I'm doing? Really you don't have anything better to do?!?!?!? I am convinced the reason he was calling wasn't because he truly gave a Rats rear end but because he wanted to make sure that I wasn't watching the Young and the Restless. He was (and still is) totally under the impression that Stay at home Mom is a fancy way of saying "I'm a mother who doesn't work and I love me some daytime TV". Yes I watch The Young and the Restless" Hello you would too...don't lie! But there is still no reason to call 900 times to make sure I'm not. You know the second that phone rings the TV goes on pause or mute anyway. With that being said Kevin seems to think that all stay at home moms do nothing but watch daytime TV, shop, drink and bitch... while most of that is true we also deal with everything that needs to be done, Dr. appointments, activities, etc...etc... Stay at homes mom's are creative women. I am not talking about the creativity to make something out of construction paper. I'm talking about creativity that keeps the kids busy enough to do the things we do. I know for me when I find something that the kids love and keeps them busy for a few hours while I can have a little guiltless pleasure such as facebook, mindless TV, or even a warm bath with no one yelling they want to get in too it is a true accomplishment. The other day I thought I had it all figured out. Barron and Fulton were going to jump on the trampoline and I could sit in the office watch the Bachelor on the computer and still see them. Genius right? You would think but not so much. I could see them outside the window watching them play and thought all was well in the house of Cate. I couldn't have been more wrong. They were sitting in the middle of the Trampoline laughing and laughing. I was ready to get out the camera thinking how cute it was that they were playing so well together. I then noticed Barron was not only laughing she was yelling gross and eeeewwwww. I got up to investigate..... Fulton had decided to finger paint the trampoline with what appeared to be greenish /brown colored finger paint. I was just about to get onto Barron for getting out her finger paints without me there when I realized it wasn't finger paint and where in the wide wide world of sprots were Fulton's pants and diaper?!?!?!? With that I am now more than ever convinced that there are Candid Cameras are all over my house. I am pretty sure someone out there gets some kind of sick pleasure watching me have to deal with these ridiculous situations. I want to tell that person now To STOP!!! This just isn't funny anymore. If you insist on continuing to use me as your candid camera subject at least lay off the poop situations. There was a Sour Patch kid on the floor yesterday that one of the kids had dropped and I couldn't even think about picking it up and popping it in my mouth without gagging, The thoughts of purple gummy's danced in my head and I blame you Mr. Candid Camera Man!!! On a different note...
My sister and I have convinced ourselves that we are the funniest people we have ever met and we need a reality show. We find ourselves in these hilarious situations all the time. Now, I am convinced the reason these happen is because there is a candid camera man following me, knowing something absurd is about to happen. My sister is truly one of the funniest people you could even know and being around her is scary or hilarious at the same time. You never know if you are going to be laughing till you wet your pants or if your about to get shot. My mother is convinced that we are going to get ourselves killed someday. I can remember a few years ago we packed in my car (kids and all) and we were off for a fantastic day of shopping. Driving to our first destination with the music up as loud as it could go rocking out to either the Spice Girls, Baby got Back or Kelly Clarkson's "Since you've been gone" when this fat man pulled up in is white PT cruiser. His car was just about to touch mine on Ashley's side. He was all up in my lane and yelling about all kinds of madness. He was cussin' us like we had just done something wrong. Which I am sure is the case since I am the world's worst driver. I should have people sign a wavier before getting in the car with me. Anyway this little man in his cruiser was completely out of control. Ashley was just looking at him as if he had 6 heads and laughing. Didn't help! He kept on and on. BTW we were still driving down the street at this point. Ashley turns and looks at me with this smirk on her face that only means one thing..... TROUBLE! She reaches over and grabs her route 44 sonic drink, takes a big long sip as if she was trying to be sexy pulls the straw out of her mouth, removes the lid and I'll be damned if she did throw that drink right in that mans face. So now not only did he clearly have anger issues but he was also drenched. I floored it and didn't look back laughing like a hyena! Surprised we didn't get shot. Story for the Grandkids some day! On a different occasion I believe over Christmas I had been home for about a week. My sister and I decided we wanted to hang with our equally as funny brother for the afternoon. A few beers became a good idea and before you know if we had pilled in my "Mom Car" with the video camera ready for anything. Decided it would be an fantastic idea to play a friendly game of "poo dollar" For those of you who don't know about the game of poo dollar you are missing out. It should totally be an olympic sport. You smear dog poo on one side of a dollar and lay it poo down in a parking lot where lots of people are walking to and from their cars. (An empty parking lot doesn't work so well) After the poo dollar is in its place you sit in an undisclosed location of the parking lot and wait. Before too long some fool is going to pick up that dollar thinking its their lucky day. After a few seconds they quickly realize their lucky dollar is covered in poop, freak out and drop the dollar. Hilarious!!! If you are lucky when they drop the dollar it falls poo down so you don't have to send someone out of hiding to turn it over and get it ready for the next victim. The game is a little less then mature but it makes for a cheap afternoon of entertainment and laughing. This truly is the days of our lives in the Lord/Cate family. We once again are the funniest people we have ever met and need a Reality show. I'll keep everyone posted as to when the show is picked up and debuts! Some lucky networks ratings are going to sky rocket. If for some bazar reason I don't have any takers I think I'm gonna try and get on the Real Housewives of Dallas. I hear that Bravo is considering it. I'll again keep you posted with my progress. For now get off your computer and go outside. Its perfect poo dollar weather.

Holy mother of everything good Please help!!! I love my family more than anything in the world and would do anything for each one of them but For the sake of my well being and the well being of those around me you have got to stop with the snow days and random holidays in a row. I have had the kids and husband all up in my grill since Thursday and not to mention I just got back from a lovely family vacation on Wednesday. Honestly my sanity is at risk. I have 900 things to do and can't seem to get any of them done.
I can't keep this house clean with 3 people that have no concept as to how to clean up after themselves. I go from go from one room to the other cleaning up after them and by the time I get finished it seems as though I have to start all over. This makes me appreciate and respect the job of our housekeeper or any housekeeper for that matter much more. I am pretty sure I am living with a pack of wolves. Its like they are leaving a trail of crap behind them in the off chance that they get lost.
Kevin (bless his heart) tried to at least take Barron out to see a movie. The Princess and the Frog. And go figure the movie was sold out!!!! I guess there are many mothers out there that are in the same boat I am. Husband and kids home for too many days in a row and they all decided to go to the same Dollar movie at once. Honestly, I can't get a break. Just about the moment I thought that, my phone rang. It was a girl from the 1st and 10 asking me if I could come in to cover a shift for someone who had just called in sick. I can't believe even for a minute that I was somewhat excited about this. Really?!?!? What has my life come to when I jump at the chance to go clean up after and serve a bunch of drunk fools. Needless to say a called Kevin asap to see if he would be willing to watch the kiddo's for the evening so I could go off to work.
I was a little confused when I arrived at work and there were next to no tables. HMMM I hoped this wasn't a preview for the evening. By the end of the night I had changed my tune. Sometime through out the evening things took a sharp turn for something unexpected. I am pretty sure this poor man was somewhere in the neighborhood of 108 years old and was hittin' on me with some lines that I am sure were to die for in 1922 but for 2010 they left a little to be desired. BLess his heart! Made me smile though! It also made me think of the fantastic lines I did fall for in my youth. Kevin was such the charmer. He had the worst lines on the planet and although they were all terrible they made me laugh every time. Still today he sometimes bust out one of those lines and still they make me laugh. "Kiss me baby and you'll think you've died and gone to Kevin" was always one of my favorites. LOL! He had this ridiculous poster on his wall from when he was a young buck that still cracks me up. He had on the fantastic Jean jacket with the collar popped up, 2 thumbs up and braces. OUTSTANDING!!! Anyway the poster said..."Say no to drugs, alcohol and tobacco. And yes to life! It was hilarious!!!! So he use to go up to the ladies and say "Hey, Did you know I was a say no to drugs poster child" The dumb ladies (me included) would fall for it! This was a great way for Kevin to get a lady up to his room where he would then bust out "Kiss me baby and you'll think you've died and gone to Kevin" Seemed to always work although looking back on it I'm not quite sure how. I think it must have had something to do with all that "trash can punch" they were always offering. HHHMMMM If I knew then what I know now???????
Kevin always kept me laughing! From his absurd pick up lines to is even more absurd behavior. I remember the first time I met him! He was wakeboarding buck necked, drunker than a skunk. He could barley walk so I have no idea how on earth he was able to wakeboard. Now that I have placed a wonderful mental picture in your heads back to my original topic...
I got home a little late and noticed Kevin had parked in my spot in the garage. GGRRRRR But too tired to care. I was however really hoping that the kids were sound asleep all warm and snug in their beds. NOPE they were once again sound asleep all warm and snug in my bed. I am having great difficulty understanding why it is so hard to put them to bed in their own rooms. Once again too tired to care at this point. Before falling asleep on the couch I had decided it just wasn't worth bring up again for the 1000000000th time in the morning. That was until I Woke up in a total state of shock and absolute confusion. I was having one of those moments that I am sure we have all had. I was pretty sure I was dreaming although nothing that I was seeing was what I had been dreaming about. At that point I had convinced myself I had been abducted. After walking around the house totally confused I wondered why on earth would someone abducted me and drop me off at Pee Wee's Playhouse. Then it clicked... I hadn't been abducted at all and I wasn't at Pee Wee's playhouse (although the resemblance was uncanny ). I was in fact in my own house it was just unrecognizable. It truly looked like Pee Wee's Playhouse. There were Cheetos and jelly beans on every square inch on the floor and God knows what else. I am pretty sure at some point in the night Barbie's dream house threw up all over the living room! AGAIN!!!!! You would think I would be used to this by now. This time instead of getting mad I just started laughing. I sat there in the kitchen and just laughed and laughed. I had just realized something... it was as though a little light bulb when on in my head. This is all my fault! How on Earth can I blame Kevin for this insanity. I am the one that fell for "if you kiss me you'll think you've died and gone to Kevin" and "Hey did you know I was a Say no to drugs poster child" and the buck necked wake boarder. Why should I expect anything other then Pee Wee's Playhouse?

Feb. 13th

Oh my! What a weekend so far. Yesterday was something special let me tell ya, but after a night of no sleep I knew it would be. Fulton bless his heart slept till around noon and lucky for me Kevin took Barron out to play in the frosted mini wheat village. This left me plenty of time to watch a little useless TV. My favorite pass time. We had planned to take the kids bowling to get out of the house for a bit but that didn't go as planned. So we opted for the ever trusty ON DEMAND movie. Barron insisted on Monsters and Aliens. I opted for Private Practice and Kevin's vote was for Breaking Vegas. This is why I have enough TV's in my house for us all to be happy. Otherwise it would be a battle for the remote 100% of the time.
Getting up this morning was less than pleasurable. Which I must say is normally the case in my house as the Kids and I aren't so much morning people and Kevin pops out of bed with little blue birds flying around his head. He wants to chat and do productive things first thing in the morning which I think is just straight up ridiculous. I need to have many moments of silence before trying to have an intelligent conversation or any conversation for that matter. Not to mention Kevin knows this. He has known it our whole married life of almost 10 years and 5 years of dating. There is a saying about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. HHHMMMMM! Anyway, He will wake up in the morning and stand in the shower and call my name over and over again just to make sure I am up. It is like a freaking broken record. Robyn...Robyn...Robyn...Robyn...Robyn...Until finally I get up give him a death stare and close the damn bathroom door. And to top it off he says it in the God awful yankee accent. Say it over and to your self a few times. Robyn, Robyn, Robyn, Robyn in that accent and you will see what I am talking about. So my point of all this is that I was totally shocked this morning when he got up showered and when on about his business with out the irritating morning conversation. Maybe he finally got it. Although I very much doubt it. I have a feeling come Monday morning I am going to hear my name over and over again until once again he gets that evil death stare. NOw I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head... Come Monday it'll be alright Come Monday I'll be holding you tight.....
So on to the next issue. Tomorrow is Valentines Day. The day that is supposed to be all romance and cheese. Ugh. I am just not that girl. There is nothing about cheese I enjoy. I am good with just having a simi-annual Robyn appreciation day and completely 86ing Valentines Day altogether. Lucky for me Kevin and I don't participate in the Valentines Day festivities. We opt to do Valentines Day Eve instead. So this evening we will send the kids to his parents for the evening and head out on the town. Now remember earlier I said I don't do Cheese.... Well Kevin takes me at my word. He is taking me for a romantic evening out to the Lakewood's 1st and 10. Zero Romance. This is also the place I work on Thursday nights. Like I said zero romance. It may have taken him 15 years (and still not getting it) to know that I don't do mornings but it took him no time at all to get that I don't do Cheese. Once again HHHMMMMM?????
So I still haven't bought a Valentines Day eve gift or card for him. Although I think this year I am off the hook considering that for our 9 year anniversary in October I got nothing...no card, no nice dinner (away from the kids), no gift no nothing. He came home with take out fajita's from Papacitos and that was only because it was 2 for 1 fajita night. I mean honestly. I had spent hours on the internet looking for the perfect 9 year anniversary gift and ended up with a chrome gas powered blender for him to enjoy while tailgating at Cowboys and razorbacks games as well as NASCAR. A lot of thought went into that. No Cheese Remember!! So this year I am in the clear for Valentines Day eve. Don't ya think? Another reason I am pretty sure I am in the clear for my not having a gift is because I was soaking in a nice and warm bath and Kevin comes running into the bathroom with his pants damn near at his ankles, rounded the corner and sees me in the tub. Yells Shit and then turns around and says "Happy Valentines Day, I am going to use the other bathroom cause I'm pretty sure what I am about to do will choke a donkey. So Happy Valentines Day... This is my gift to you..... " Yup I'm golden and totally in the clear. Now if he starts yelling Bring me some shit tickets I'll be off the hook for his Birthday too.
Random thought: Who the hell thought of fans in bathrooms? I'm not talking about fart fans I'm talking about the full on ceiling fan in the bathroom. Hello it makes getting out of the bath tub damn near impossible. Just stupid!!! While I'm on random thoughts and on a totally different note whoever invented sour patch kids and air heads is a total genius! Ranks right up there with pickles.
I have to ask... How many of you said robyn robyn robyn robyn with that yankee accent?
With that...Have a wonderful Valentines Day eve! I hope it is as eventful as I am sure mine is gonna be. Lakewood's 1st and 10 hear I come.

WHAT!?!?!?!?!? 12.5 inches of snow? What is that about??? I live in Dallas Texas for the love of God. If I was interested or even tolerant of this type of Weather I would live somewhere crazy like Wisconsin or one of the Dakotas.
I will say the snow is just beautiful. Everything kinda looks like double frosted, Frosted mini wheats. Which is why I have opted to stay inside and not make myself hungry by playing in the little frosted mini wheat village I seemed to have moved into sometime throughout the night. Although I'm am totally unsure as to how that would have happened since I was up all night with my son.
I got home from work a little earlier than normal and after white knuckling it all the way home (I am not used to this kinda of insanity) the only thing I wanted to do was tuck myself into my nice warm bed and pass out. It had been a long day. I could literally hear the music in my head the one that plays in slow motion almost. You know the song i'm talking about. it was in the end of Mr mom and National Lampoons vacation when their running up to Wally World. Ggggrrrr!!! what is the name of that song???? Anyway not important. I rounded the corner of my bedroom. All lights were off but I could hear 3 slightly different snores which could only mean only mean one thing. I was sleeping on the couch again because Kevin couldn't muster up the energy to put them in their own beds. Men crack me up that way. They say Women are all about Drama. Oh honey Please. Y'all aint seen nothin till you have seen my husband hard at work while "babysitting" and the BS that comes out of his mouth while explaining what went on and why my house is in a full on state of emergency. Last night was pretty impressive. The house had not been totally destroyed... I did notice that I had tripped over a few random things as I walked through the play room but I didn't think it needed immediate attention. Which I might add is abnormal for a night with Daddy and the kids. Yes all the pillows were off all couches and yes things were all over the room but like I said nothing needing to be cleaned immediately. I turn on the light to find a blanket and see it... there were cheese balls and chips smashed and scattered all over the room. This kinda made me hungry. Not because of all the chips and cheese balls but because the thought of Waffle House came to my mind. Why you asked. When ordering hashbrowns at Waffle house you are asked if you want them scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, etc... That is kinda what the play room looked like. Hashbrowns that had been scattered, covered, smothered, and chunked. Then back to reality. What the hell went on here last night? Did Kevin leave them here to fend for themselves? Had we been robbed? Had he fallin' in the shower? Did he forget to feed the kids? and then I remembered... none of these were true. I dropped the kids off at his parents on my way to work because he wanted to be able to go play with his new Polaris rzr. So now the question now becomes Why the hell does the play room look like a waffle house hashbrown? hummmmm I'm stumped. Too tired to deal.. will investigate in the morning.
I finally get all tucked in and comfy on the couch and ready to watch tonights episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County. I hear this loud noise. I keep hearing it and hearing it. I for some reason think that snow must be falling off the roof or trees and making a loud thump when hitting the ground but I was wrong. The noise I was hearing was Kevin walking down the hall way to inform me that "my son" was awake and I needed to come deal with him. HUH my son?!?!? I go back and get him thinking are you freaking kidding me. He can't just deal with this. Get him some milk and put him in HIS bed. Not rocket science.
Hello 5 hours later I decided to change my approach. I had tried everything and all that child wanted to do was flip, flop, walk, cry, up, down, around, under and behind. I finally turned cartoons or as my daughter calls them "cardtoons" and I'll be a monkey's uncle, no more then a few minutes pass and I hear that snore come out of his sweet little mouth. I am just about to close my eyes when the door flies open and I hear a screaming child who can't figure out how to get her gloves on and yelling at the top of her lungs in full panic mode that dad is going to leave her. And the day begins. No School for the kids, No work for the husband and no sleep for mom. Going to be a fantastic day!

So we returned yesterday from our little Vacation and surprisingly there is nothing to report from our journey home. The kids were very well behaved and the flight was pretty much flawless. Who knew after the week we had we were in a calm place. I could only hope this didn't mean we were at the eye of the storm.

So Kevin was tryin' to wake me up this morning unusually early talking all this nonsense about snow and blah blah blah. Hello Kevin I'm clearly sleeping and there is no need for me to be up at this ungodly hour. So with that I rolled over and tried to get back to the exact moment I was at in my dream when I was so rudely awaken. I don't really remember but I think the dream had something to do with Brad Paisley. Now the only thing going through my mind was snow. What the hell happened to Brad???? As I lay there again squeezing my eyes closed as tight as I could trying desperately to get back to Brad... I suddenly felt myself ejecting from the bed, bolting to the door, just about ripping the door off the hinges then running to the TV!!!! I fell to my knees folding my hands and praying like I have never prayed before. PLEASE GOD DON'T LET SCHOOL BE CANCELED TODAY!!!!!
I was very pleased to see that Dallas schools don't panic at the first report of snow and cancel everything like Little Rock schools do.
As I pull up to school so many people were welcoming me back from my Hellish vacation. I realized there must have been a little misunderstanding and I would like to take a moment to clear everything up. Our vacation was just as I had expected. We had a wonderful time and wouldn't have changed a thing about it..... Well stop the press. I changed my mind. I wouldn't have eaten that PURPLE GUMMY!?!?!?!?!? But other then that our vacation was fantastic. What kind of a life would I live if nothing ever went wrong and I had perfect kids that never misbehaved or had meltdowns. I can't think of a more boring life. Those are the moments that I sit back, cross my arms and smile. I know these are the times I'll remember, these are the moments that embarrass the hell out of me at the time, but the moments that make for a funny story. These are the moments that make us the Cate's.
I look forward to many more vacations that the normal person considers Hell. I look forward to everyday knowing that my family and I march to a different drummer, we dance to a different tune and I love every moment of it. There is nothing normal about my life and I think that is just fine!
I may panic when I think school is going to be canceled and I may sometimes pretend that my kids belong to someone else. But who the hell doesn't??? I am just not afraid to admit it!

Disneyland Vacation

vacation day 1. Started by running around like chickens with our heads cut off making sure we had all the paraphernalia that goes along with traveling with kids. With fingers crossed we have everything we are off to the airport. As we arrive I notice that I have dog hair all over me from Kiwi sitting in my lap on the way to DFW. No lent brush on hand I ask the men checking up in at the curb for some tape. Kevin over hears the conversation and tries to strike a deal with him. Tells the man that if he pays Kevin $20 he will let him do the tape dehairing for me. Really Kevin come on. So we board the plane and the kids immediately start to terrorize the airplane while husband watched the airlines movie with his sound proof headphones. The movie being Fame. Really???? Freaking Fame. Moving on...After dinner Fulton pukes on me. due to a hair in his mouth. Did I mention he puked ON me! When I say on me I really mean an adult man size puke and it was 100% on me. Hoping tomorrow is a little smother!


vacation day 2: woke up this morning to a burning up with fever son and a husband that is like a bull in a china cabinet walking around the house stompin like an elephant. 2 yelling kids at 7am in a house full of sleeping teenagers. Off to Disneyland. Fever gone! day lookin up!


Vacation day 3. up at the crack to enter park early got through the morning with no problems or meltdown... don't worry that didn't last. Barron had an appointment to get her hair and makeup done like a princess. Oh Lord!!! Total meltdown as we were leaving. She hated her hair. Had to play beauty Shop on the curb to fix the gelled bun.


Vacation day 3 afternoon... after attempting to make the kids nap (so kevin could nap) and Barron yelling "you don't even love or care about me" we quickly realized that we had been defeated. So off to the aladdin show. Fulton was out within minuets Kevin had to leave mid show due to "belly issues" (I didn't ask) and Barron kept getting us in trouble hanging over the railing....Rush to the other side of the park for the parade where Fulton promptly wacked some poor little girl with this light up wand as I pretend not to be his mother. Barron in full panic mode due to the fact that Kevin had told her if we go out of the VIP roped area they would call off the parade... Hello Kevin 2 year old boy isn't going to stay in a freakin roped area as those words were about to come out of my mouth off he went and here came the water works from Barron... We get back to the Hotel where Kevin damn near knocked Fulton out by hitting him square in between the eyes with the door.Then Kevin couldn't even pick him up to see if he was ok he was to busy laughing like a freakin' hyena with poor Fulton laid out bawling his eyes out all the while these ladies watched in horror. Me.....well I just need a valium with a vodka back...


Vacation day 4 (morning) wake up before the birds so we can get into the park an hour early. Weather was nice and we were ready for the last day in the park. Go to space mountain to enjoy no lines finish the ride and it was a freaking monsoon. 900 Mexicans walking around in ponchos. Note to self rollercoasters hurt in the rain and wet jeans is just well...
a special feeling. Went to Ariel's Grotto for lunch where the meltdowns begin.... Barron wasn't pleased with the way Ariel signed her name in the autograph book and then ripped it right out of Sleeping Beauty's hands while very firmly telling her she signed it yesterday and should have remembered. After lunch Barron successfully waited till we were at the furthest place from the bathrooms for an emergency, needless to say we then had to head back to the room for a wardrobe change. While dealing with that Fulton decided it would be a good idea to roll, wrap, and TP the entire room. Now off to the Playhouse Disney show in the rain. Oh and one more thing... California people have no idea how to deal with rain. Yes it is raining but it is still in the upper 50's pretty sure there is no need for earmuffs. ALthough Earmuffs accompanied with Ponchos is a fantastic look.


Vacation day 4 afternoon/evening never made it to the playhouse disney. We got all suited up again from the wardrobe change and headed downstairs. The rain was nuts. So kevin thought it was a good idea to sit in the lobby, plop the kids down in front of the TV with little dwarf sized rocking chairs to wait out the rain. That went over like a turd in a punch bowl.Fulton thought it would be fun to put his nose up to the TV so none of the other kiddos also waiting out the rain could watch the same Disney shows that had been playing over and over again for the 900th time. This created a total ruckus with kids yelling and crying. tried to talk kevin into dealing with what has now become a situation uuuuggg no luck. Once again I had to admit I was the parent of the delinquent child. Moving on to the next bright idea. Back up to the room for a little coloring. We had intended they color the coloring books we just bought in the gift shop but Fulton had other plans. The sheets were apparently a much better idea. Rain stopped and we were off the the park for the last hour before closing for the night. A few more rides and we would have had our Disney fix for the next year.went great and with no meltdowns. The kids and I bid Disneyland farewell while Kevin ran off to get dinner so I thought I would give the kids a bath and get them all ready for bed. Went surprisingly well until the big moment, the topper of the whole trip the cherry on top, the icing on the cake... drum roll please.......While trying to practice what I preach about the 3 second rule I pick up what appears to be a purple gummy off the floor and popped that sucker right in my mouth. NOT A PURPLE GUMMY!!! At some point throughout the day Fulton dumped on the floor and I just popped that bad boy in my mouth. Fan-freakin-tastic. PS the 3 second rule will no longer be honored in the Cate house.