So it has been a while since I have taken the time to blow off a little steam and write on my blog. For that I am truly sorry but life has been crazy and I opted to blow off steam with a little retail therapy instead...What's a Lady to do. When Tory Burch calls we must all band together and answer. With this all being said my day today has forced me to look beyond Tory Burch and start banging on the good ole keyboard and Sedate and Medicate. So let me give you a quick recap of the past few months. As you know poop is in the equation for sure. Honestly someone truly Holy needs to have a conversation with God for me. When I say Holy I don't mean someone who goes to church or someone who prays a lot I mean someone that has his personal phone number. I'm thinking the first thing on my list of things to do tomorrow should start with a Good old fashioned Confession. Instead of starting with the traditional Bless me Father for I have sinned. I think I'm going to start with for the Love of God please do something to get a message to your homeboy and stop the madness or poop in my case. If I have to say 10000000 Hail Mary's everyday for the next 18 years then so be it. So now that I have gotten poop out of the way we have also experienced a few naked kids running down the street incidents, the last one ending with a neighbor I had never met walking out to grab the morning paper coffee mug in hand and looks up to see my naked 2 year old relieving himself on the tree in his front yard while the crazy mom (aka me) so embarrassed the only thing I can think of to say is "top of the mornin' to ya" SHAMEFUL!! Why couldn't I say something along the lines of welcome to the neighborhood or a plain old Good Morning or even shoot him the bird but noooo I bust out with guns-a-blazin' and say accent and all "Top of the morning to ya" Honestly! Moving on. We have been doing a little vacation time. Spent a week or two in Little Rock and surprisingly nothing strange or out of the ordinary there at all. Props for that Please! We also made the very long drive to Seaside Florida in the middle of an oil spill with no issues other than 14 hours in the car with me, the dog and 2 kids fighting it was a breeze. I take that back we did have one little moment in the sun shine state. So we have just pulled in to see our beautiful house we will be staying in for the week and begin to unpack what seems to be my entire house and Fulton with his impeccable timing poops. So my sister and sister-n-law help a sista out and decide to change him for me. They also however opted to do this in the most unconventional way possible. Ashley pulled off his pants and diaper while holding him in the air by his arms while Allison held his legs up in the air, legs spread eagle and when after the nastiness with the wipes. (All of this was taking place outside in front of house house). Just at the moment when Fulton looks as if he is flying with poop everywhere our neighbor for the week pulls up. Thank God he had a sense of humor and rolled down the window and yells..."Well Hello to you too Moonbeam" That name stuck for the week. The rest of the summer has been Hot. I have tried to stay home with the air as low as it will go and as little clothing on as possible. So this leaves me with today. I'm not even sure where to begin.
I'll start with I must have done something to really make someone upstairs mad. I have no idea what that might have been but I hope I had a damn good time doing it. I get up at an Ungodly hour due to the fact that Barron has to be at school between 7:30 and 7:45. Who ever thought up those hours will never have me as the President of their fan club thats for sure. So after a morning of Barron yelling I'm don't know where my shoes are and I'm not sure where you put your library book we load up in the car and head to school. The ungodly hour aside we were off to an ok start. I was looking forward to a little coffee with 2 of my best friends so I could officially start my day. Enjoying every moment of my coffee then I get in my car to head out and notice I have many missed calls from Kevin. It's not normal for him to call me 900 times in a row at all. He may call 900 times during the day to give me lists of stupid things he would like me to do but never in a row. I should have known that if it was something really bad he would keep calling and leave it at that but no.... after 10 years of marriage I still haven't learned to just leave it at that. I picked up and called him back. I hear panic on the other end of the phone yelling where are you????? I calmly said by the house and he says I need you to go to court for me right this second!!! huh? I forgot to hell you Ricky (our no good non rent paying tenant) has appealed his eviction and I can't make it. I need you there by 9. Hello Kevin it's 8:47 and you want me to be all the way downtown which is 30 minutes from here at the least in 12 minutes???? So of course I start driving like a bat out of hell to get there all the way thinking about the facial expression on the Judges face when she sees me standing in front of her wearing ripped up jeans, flip flops, a shirt that says I love the Jersey Shore while pushing a stroller with a 2 year old who thinks the word sssshhhh means yell at the top of your lungs and watch how red my mom gets.... Fantastic what a treat. I get there 30 minutes late and have been moved to the end of the docket. Wonderful. I finally get in front of her and she says raise your hand please. I'm thinking what a sick lady she's all checking to see if I have sweat stains going on cause I've been sittin' here sweating trying to keep FUlton quiet, sicko! Nonetheless I raise my hand all the way up like one would do if super excited to get called on by the teacher. She then looks at me like I'm being a smart ass and says "do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God." Jokes on me... I wondered why the whole court room started laughing when I raised my hand. Great feeling. So then she asked me for the copy of the lease and eviction papers we filed. Well Hello Lady I just got finished telling you my husband was the one that was coming and couldn't at the last minuet do you really think in the 8 minutes I had to spare I ran home and grabbed that? Honestly lady I'm not super woman. I try to tell myself I'm super mom sometimes but only to make myself feel better not cause I truly mean it or even believe it. So she looks at me and says then I can't help you. Thanks Judge couldn't you have told me this 2 freaking hours ago.
So I get back home thinking I am about to get to sit down watch a little 16 and pregnant and folding the laundry while Fulton is napping and before sitting for 30 minuets in the carpool line to pick up Barron. NOPE again not so much. It was like one thing after another all day today. Then before I knew it I had put out fire after fire and it was time to go get Barron. We get home and it starts to go downhill as if that is even possible. So Laundry 1/2 done in the middle of the living room and every 2 seconds I'm having to break up a fight and get juice and snacks. I get up to get Barron something to drink and here comes Hurricane Fulton running through all my folded laundry. eeeerrrrr I sent them outside to play on the trampoline with very specific instructions to come get me if Fulton started to take off his diaper. No bouncin' poop today thank you very much. A few minutes later Fulton comes running inside yelling Mommy Bebe. Idomamabebeowie Bebe. HUH?!?!? I get up to check out what in the hell idomamabebeowie means again leave the laundry unattended again when out of the corner of my eye I see Barron covered in blood. I'm thinking OMG they killed that damn black cat that randomly comes in our back yard or killed a bird. Nope just a bloody nose. Thank God. I'm not trying to have to deal with therapy because my children are killing animals. A few minutes later Kevin gets home not feeling well and we all know what that means. I could rather help a cow give birth then have a sick husband. I have Barron yelling mommy I'm hungry Fulton yelling yeah mommy Bebe me unhunkkeetoo and kevin yelling louder than both of them ROOOOOOOBBBBBYYYYYYNNNNNN sounding like a water buffalo that has been shot texting me every 2 seconds saying "call 911. This is the end I know it". Honestly, I just need a break, a moment of quiet, a moment of me time a moment with no poop, the word mommy is forbidden, no laundry and no sick husbands no carpool lines and no lines of communication whatsoever. Thank God my sister is coming in town Friday. I need her! Right when I think this day can't get worse Brendan wins the POV. I can't wait for this day to be over.
Happy freaking Birthday to me.

Vacation Day 1: We had to wake up and an ungodly hour in order to get to the airport by 6am. Honestly I think Kevin does to me on purpose and finds some sick humor in waking me up super early. However this morning I was as happy as a clam to be up knowing I was on my way to Hawaii!!! No complaints out of me whatsoever!!! Our Cab arrived and we are off. We got to the airport and made it right through security with no problems and headed to the nearest place to get much needed Coffee since I had forgotten to set the coffee maker last night. OOPS! So We got to the gate, visit over morning coffee for a few minuets when I hear the over the loud speakers "Ladies and Gentlemen we are ready to start pre-boarding flight whatever to LA All of our first class passengers are invited to board now. Kevin gets up as if he knows what he is doing. And what a wonderful surprise for Me!!! Woo Hoo First Class to LA! Fantastic!! We got in our seats and before the other passengers were allowed to board the flight and the flight attendant took our drink orders so we can be served just after take off and she would also like to take our breakfast order. Hell yeah I was starved! I order the southwest omelette as the other option was not up to standards. The other passengers board and we leave without an issue at all and right on time. Kevin was going on and on about the bathrooms in FIrst Class and how they have bathtubs and blah blah blah. I am thinking to myself that may be the grosses thing I have ever heard of. Who the hell takes a freaking bath on an airplane. I mean honestly. I am served my mimosa and Kevin and I decide we are going to watch a movie to help pass the time. I am pretty sure we picked the most politically incorrect movie on the planet and I was truly laughing out loud uncontrollably as we were watching. The flight attendant walks up and says excuse me is your name Robyn. I look at her a little confused and say aaaaa yes ma'am it is. She says your husband has planned something special for you. I need to know if you would like vanilla jasmine or cherry blossom? I'm all vanilla jasmine or cherry blossom what??? She says for your bath oils ma'am. I look at kevin going what the hell have you done. Honestly. But I didn't want to come across unappreciative so I said vanilla jasmine. I few moments later she returns and says ok ma'am your bath is ready. I am still a little confused but I take off my seatbelt and at that point both her and Kevin bust out laughing, She says honey your are so gullible. I was extremely embarrassed yet somewhat relieved. I wasn't quite sure how a bath works will going thought a little turbulence. Should have known Kevin would pull some crap to make me look and feel as stupid as I did. However now looking back on it. I felt like an idiot I didn't know he was kidding and you it is even worst that after 10 years of marriage I still can't tell if Kevin is joking or not. Anyway the jokes on me! However watch out Kevin as the week is young and you will get whats coming to you. Enough with that we got back to our movie as politically incorrect as it was. You all much rent it is just awful. Awful in a funny way not a bad way. I hope there is Beer in Hell. Really a LOL movie however if you get offended easily maybe not a movie for you. So the mimosa/valium mix is starting to kick in and we opt to turn off the movie and take a little nap. We wake up just in time to land but I have to tee tee so bad there is just no way I can hold it for landing and then taxing blah blah blah... I head to the potty and the flight attendant tells me I may need to hurry as we are landing right now... Tee teeing while landing is difficult to say the least. We land and the prankster flight attendant gives Kevin and I a bottle of Red wine and wish up congrats on out 10 year anniversary. How thoughtful of her.
So we get to LAX and Holy mother of God. These people are just strange. I mean someone should have told one poor girl that control top panty hose are not ok to wear as leggings. I mean Honestly. Anyway we wait for an hour and board. The joy of First Class. I am sipping my mimosa as all the other passengers are boarding. Pull back from the gate and aren't moving... They let up know there is a maintenance issue and if will be just a few more minuets. Hello 1 freaking hour later we are de-boarded and told to hang tight till they know something. Stuck in LAX isn't fun. We could have been half way to Hawaii by now but NO NO NO I sitting here watching the freaks of LA prance the airport. Whats worse is the maintenance issue was one of the poopers being out of order. Ugh I can't get away from poop issues no matter where I go or what I do. I am sure this is going to be yet another candid camera cate vacation. EIGHT hours later we finally board the plane. We made it to Kauai and got all checked in after midnight. We should have arrived a little before 4. Oh I forgot to mention out luggage didn't make it and they have no idea where it is. Fan-freakin-tastic!!! Stay tuned as I am sure this vacation is going to be as entertaining as the last Cate Vacation!

I haven't blogged in a while only because I have been super busy and I honestly haven't had anything to blog about. No candid camera moments or anything. My life has been surprisingly clam these last few weeks. This is new for me and I am learning everyday how to handle the calm.

Today is Easter and I can't help but feel a little sad. When I was little I can remember thinking of Easter just as I did about Christmas. We would be all excited to wake up and my brother sister and I would sit at the top of the stairs while my parents acted as if they were so surprised at the things that the Easter Bunny had left us while we were sleeping. We run down the stairs as fast as we could and rip into out easter baskets fake grass flying everywhere. Then we would dress and head to church. We would be bouncing off the walls at church from the sugar high we were on. After a lovely mass or church service (I haven't always been Catholic) so depending on the year. We would then get so excited for the Easter brunch with the extended family and to meet the Easter Bunny. The actual Easter Bunny!!!!!! Then the big moment. The Easter Egg hunt! We had strategies as to how we were going to find the most eggs and we thought for days before the big hunt about where would be the best hiding places for the golden and silver eggs. If we could have found the blue prints for the golf course we would have had x's marking the spot where golden eggs and silver eggs had been hidden in years previous and known not to search there. Anyway blah blah blah my point is that Easter has always been a super fun holiday for me and truly always looked so forward to it. Naturally I figured this Easter would be the same. I had to work last night so I figured I could play Easter Bunny when I got home knowing full well the kids would be fast asleep. I would be able to hide all the eggs and fill up their Easter baskets with all the wonderful things the Easter Bunny had bought. I got everything prepared and went to bed. I was so excited for what the next day would bring. I woke up to Fulton pulling my hair trying to get one the couch. Remember I worked last night and Kevin can't figure out how to put the kids in their own beds so I always just sleep on the couch on nights I work. Anyway Fulton is pulling my hair trying to pull himself up onto the couch. I figured I would snuggle with him for a bit before heading back to wake Barron for the big morning. After about 10 minuets I decide it is time to wake Barron and get ready to see what the Easter Bunny brought them. Let me take a moment to say I normally try and go home for Easter but didn't this year so I guess that is why my feelings were so hurt and I seem to just feel a little sad today when I noticed Kevin wasn't even home. No note no conversation no nothing. There was no sign of him. I send the kids outside to hunt a few eggs while I rush to put all the Easter stuff up so we can do it when Kevin gets home. I don't know why I should have just let them go ahead and have their Easter morning. After all Kevin wouldn't be about to tell you if you offered him 1 million dollars what they were getting for Easter anyway. I stent my time and money shopping for the perfect gifts. So I didn't really have to wait on him. But that isn't really fair now is it? The kids want their dad to join in on their fun. So I put it all away to wait for Kevin to get home. I figured for sure he had run to the store to get breakfast or something. I waited and waited and waited and no Kevin. So we did our Egg hunt. We had lunch and I put Fulton down for a nap. Barron and I made a cheesecake and still no Kevin.
A few hours passed when I see his truck pull up in the driveway and I couldn't believe my eyes. He had been at the golf course. I didn't even know what to say. Golf on Easter morning????? Honestly! And now it is almost 4 and the poor kids still haven't gotten their Easter baskets. Kevin had to take a freaking nap...... My blood is boiling at this point. And the beautiful Easter I always look so forward to have been totally ruined!
I hope everyone else got to have their Beautiful Easter Sunday!

Have you ever had one of those days when the moment your eyes open you just know it is going to be a crapy day. That happened to me yesterday morning. I woke up to Kevin attempting to be quiet as a mouse trying to wake me up. Dude no need to be all quiet if your goal is to wake me. He bent down kisses my forehead and says "baby when you get up I need you to do something for me" As I tried with all my might to open my eyes to look at him I hear the words Sometime throughout the night a cat must have gotten into out trash cause there is just a little trash scattered on the driveway." He is still being all quiet and sweet. So I was a little confused. I really wasn't 100% awake so I just made some noise as if to say ok ok I hear you now shut the hell up. NOT TRYIN' TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU FIRST THING IN THE MORNING! I clearly didn't pay attention to our little talk so all I got out of it was something about Cats. I hate cats. I roll overed and tried to go back to sleep. After laying there for a few minutes 1 eye popped open. I looked around the room to see if he was still there before I got out of the bed. I stumble into the kitchen for some coffee to wake up with and notice the world had stopped turning sometime throughout the night. There was no "to do" list. I didn't know what to do with myself. I stood there totally forgetting about my much needed coffee. Then I really thought about it for a sec... no way he didn't leave me a note. He always does and what was so special about today. OH NO!?!?! Had I forgotten something important? Was it our anniversary? I knew it wasn't my Birthday, What was I missing???? Couldn't figure it out so I made my coffee and sat down to watch a little of the Today show before the kids woke up. Then I remembered something about a cat. Eeeeeeerrrrr I hate cats and even thinking about them makes my skin crawl. Why in the world would I be thinking about cats??? Must have dreamt about them last night. OH well. As I was taking a nice long sip of my coffee it hit me...damn cat got into our trash...I remember. So I get my robe and head out to the driveway to see what the little cat had done. Garage door is going up and I am waiting there with my broom and trash bag and then I see it. There was no way in hell a cat did this!!! There was trash on every square inch on our driveway and out into the alley. This was a freaking Mountain Lion. A cat my foot... Now it makes much more sense as to why I didn't have a To Do list. He saw this and knew after having to clean this mess up there was no way he was going to get away with a To Do list as well. Holy Cow. I get to cleaning up this trash and there is some of the most disgusting things in our there I had ever seen. Where had some of this stuff come from I wondered... And the amount of trash juice that was now all over me was unbearable. I needed a gas mask and that really think plastic suit since I was sure something in there was toxic. Some one needs to call the news channels and let them know there is a mountain lion running wild in North Dallas.
So the rest of yesterday was normal until I started to get ready for work. Kevin had just walked through the door and was watching the kids jump on the trampoline while I got dressed. I hear Barron cracking up and thought I would go see what was so funny. I am sure at this point candid camera man popped his little head over my fence to catch me in the moment. i get to the trampoline and didn't notice anything funny at all so I asked Barron what she was laughing at. I noticed Kevin giving her this look as if to tell her through his eyes the keep her mouth shut. Lucky for me 5 year olds don't get that and she spilled the beans. So Kevin thought it would be a good idea to try and teach Fulton how to tee tee on a tree. Nice Kevin such wonderful things you opt to teach our children. I thought he learned his lesson after teaching Barron to tee tee outside and it backfiring on him when she took it to the next level and pooped in the middle of our driveway while he was chatting with one of our neighbors but I guess not. So clearly a 2 year old has no idea about aim and all that jazz so he tee teed all over himself. Wonderful. Oh well not my problem I was off to work so Kevin could deal with it. So I head back in to finish getting ready when Kevin started yelling will you please bring me a diaper. I bring one out to him just in time to catch the main event. My genius husband pulled up Fulton's pants without putting a new diaper on him and put him back on the trampoline. If you keep up with my blog I am sure you know where this is heading. Fulton freakin poops. No diaper and it is everywhere. I am trying to clean it up with Barron still jumping and poop bouncing with her. Kevin is looking on just laughing. I am so irritated at this point I am yelling at him at the top of my lungs for all the neighbors to hear. I am screaming at him to get me wipes and something to clean all this up with and he looks at me and says I am not moving till you stop yelling. How in the name of God does one stop yelling when they are in the middle of a poop covered child another kid jumping and poop bouncing, all the while Fulton is playing in it. Could you stop yelling? Kevin is taking his sweet time. He was honestly moving at turtle speed. I am so mad at this point my face had to be 50 different shades of red when Barron looks at me and in the sweetest voice says "mommy is your head about to pop off?" When I told her no she then says "Normally when you face gets that red you say your head is about to pop off and if it does I want to close my eyes". So I finish cleaning up the mess and head out to work, smelling delightful I'm sure.
Moving on to today. I am in panic mode searching for a cocktail dress. Kevin informed me 2 days ago that I need a cocktail dress for Saturday night. Hello Keivn this type of thing takes weeks. I don't know about you but with me every time I am looking for something I can't find it but if I'm not looking it seems to be around every corner. This search for the dress being no different. I take advantage of only having one child with me and hit the stores in hopes of finding the perfect dress. Little did I know what was in store for me. Fulton was being so good while I shopped but I guess he had had just about enough of the fun and had a minor meltdown. Nothing major or dramatic just a minor meltdown. This random lady strolls on over to check out the situation and express her concern. Clearly she doesn't have kids because this tantrum was a day at the beach compared to others I have witnessed. So I calm the child with good old fashioned bribery. Now back to the real issue. No dress for Saturday. So I am about to start looking again when Fulton drops the gum I had given him and the waterworks begin. This freaking lady walks up to me again and tells me my child is disturbing the whole store and I need to leave. Huh?!?!?! Is she really going there? I stood there for a moment trying to convince myself that I misunderstood her. I very nicely said Thank you for your concern but I got it under control. This crazy woman wouldn't stop she kept on and on. By this time we had a crowd gathered. I am pretty sure all these people watching this unfold were secretly hoping for a cat fight. So Crazy lady says it again louder and much ruder this time. So I repeated myself this time a little louder. It was everything I could do not to swing at her. However being a lady I turned to walk the other direction. Not helping!!! She kept on.... So finally I looked at her with my voiced raised a little louder than I had anticipated and said "Look Lady Back off and mind your own business". She looks at me with darts coming out of her eyes and walks off. I turn around to go on about my business and this crazy lady has now stopped half the freaking store to hold court about it. Honestly this kinda stuff doesn't just happen to people. Once again that damn candid camera man must have been hiding somewhere in Nordstroms. I left with no dress, embarrassed and so mad its a wonder my head really didn't pop off. Happy Friday to me!
May you all have a weekend filled with non-crazies!

So it has been a few days since I have had anything to blog about so I haven't bothered to bore you with useless information. Today I would like to talk about a few different issues.
First why is it that some men (my husband) feels it necessary to leave me these ridiculous to do lists almost every morning. This morning was to clean out and organize the pantry and go through all the tupperware and make sure all of them have matching lids. Really??? As if I don't have enough to do already. I have both kids home today and it is raining which makes for a day of inside activities which in Lamens terms means to destruct and destroy the house. Holy mother of God!!! While doing the damned list the hubby left me the kids were quietly playing in the play room. That should have been my first clue that they were up to something. I continued working on my list and thought all was well in the Cate household. Have I learned nothing? I walked into the play room and I am pretty sure Charlie had been there. the play room had been destroyed. Let me take a moment to explain who Charlie is. He was this terrible child that use to tell my brother to do mean things, he would destroy my brothers room, he would talk my brother into the most ridiculous things. Charlie was my brother's imaginary friend. He was just evil and I am pretty sure he was hanging out with my kids while I was cleaning out the freaking pantry and matching lids to tupperware. I couldn't see the floor. CLeaning the play room is now another thing to add to my to do list for the day yet somehow I find the time to blog. hmmmmm! I think writing about it gives me a chance to cool down and not go postal on my kids. I'm still pretty mad so I think I need to take a moment to discuss a few more things. Let's talk about imaginary friends shall we, now that I have brought it up anyway. I had a lovely imaginary friend who's name was Katherine. I can't remember her trying to get me in trouble at all. She was a delight!! Now my mother may give you a different story but for now we are gong to go on as if she was a delight. She never got me in trouble at all but if I did get in trouble you can bet she was the first person I would blame if my brother wasn't around. Growing up I was lucky enough to have my best friend live just across the street from me. Her name was Rebecca. Rebecca and I were possibly the weirdest kids ever she was the really smart one and I was the wild out of control one so we balanced each other nicely. We did the strangest things but always seemed to keep ourselves totally entertained. We use to play church. Rebecca would play the piano and I was the priest. We would make the communion out of pie crust and steal red wine from her parents as the blood of Christ. We could play this for hours and never get bored. We use to also make up plays. We would practice and practice until they were perfect and then make our poor parents watch the production. We were a big fan of the cartoon "the littles" so many of our plays were about being "a little". We use to also find dead birds or squirrel's and give them proper burials. I would sing while Rebecca said a few words. I would always sing the same song. "it's sad when the dead bird dies" I never understood why Rebecca's older sister thought this was so funny. We use to compile all our old Halloween candy from months or years before and try and sell it to neighborhood kids while yelling "free candy for sale" Also didn't understand why her sister would laugh. One of the strangest things Rebecca and I did revolved around "Patricia Cancer" Patricia Cancer was Rebecca's imaginary friend that I soon adopted as my own. We couldn't just call her Patricia. You must always refer to her as Patricia (now make the noise you would is you were exhaling smoke from a cigarette) then say Cancer. We would visit her often. One day while roaming the neighborhood we found this huge mound of penny's and had convinced ourselves it was from the guards who stood outside of Patricia (exhale noise here) Cancer's door. Every time we would visit Patricia (exhale) Cancer we had to make this green sugar concoction. The guards wouldn't let us in without it. I know what you must be thinking.. but I warned you we were strange. We also use to refer to one another not as Robyn and Rebecca but as Resh and Rosh. Although her sister always referred to her as bacon which we never understood since her name was clearly Resh. Oh the memories!!! I still think Rebecca and I marched to a different drummer then the rest of the world. We still remain friends although we no longer partake in the same bazar activities. I can't wait till Barron and/or Fulton comes home with their own imaginary friends.
On a totally different subject I'd like to tell you a little story of parenting at it's finest. So yesterday being Sunday I was really looking forward to a day of useless TV and junk food since I don't diet on Sundays while staying in my PJ's all day. Kevin isn't one for just laying around and doing nothing all day so he was up at the crack of dawn doing God knows what while the kids and I slept in. He tries to take Barron roller skating on Sundays if he can and yesterday was perfect. Barron was all suited up and ready for a day of skating with dad. I on the other hand was not pleased I hadn't been able to watch my useless TV. I had been working on Sassy Daisy stuff all day. AGAIN!!! I guess that is what happens when you start your own company. Work work work... who knew and why didn't they warn me? Anyway I was just about to get Fulton down for a nap when Barron and Kevin were leaving for the skating rink. Finally silence!!! I could work in peace. I spent the next 3 hours working. I don't know what came over me while working but I quickly got myself dressed woke Fulton up and decided I needed to go shoe shopping. Apparently the 600 pairs of shoes in my closet weren't working anymore. I don't understand either but when shopping pops into my head I don't ignore it! EVER!!! So as I am pulling in the parking lot visions of shoes dancing in my head the phone rings. Its kevin. "where are you?" he asks.... long pause. Clearly I don't want to tell him I am about to be shopping for shoes I don't need so I panic. I say I'm out running errands..He keeps on and on "where are you running errands? What errands do you have and on and on till I finally have to break down and tell him I am shoe shopping. He then informs me I need to come home so he could go to the store since he had invited his patents over for dinner. Which incase you don't know my husband really means I need you to come home and go to the store for me. After pondering this for a moment I talk myself into shoe shopping first then returning home to go to the store. I get home and Kevin informs me I was right and he is sending me to the store but not before telling me what occurred at the Skating rink. Oh God please don't tell me. I couldn't even imagine what he was about to tell me. So I sit there listing. Apparently they were doing the hokey pokey. Kevin clearly not in shape enough for the hokey pokey much less on roller skates opted to take this one out. Probably smart! Unfortunately after opting out of the hokey pokey he didn't opt to watch Barron. No telling what he was watching. There must have been a hot mom he was either hittin' on or gearing up to hit on. He looks up and Barron is nowhere. After searching the rink for a while he spots her. Apparently she heard over the loud speaker all kids with the Birthday party head to the party room now please. So Barron hears about a party and naturally isn't about to miss it. She heads on over to the party room sits down at the table and waits for her cupcake to be served. They sing Happy Birthday to Stephanie and dig in. Kevin walks in just in time for Barron to take her first bite. He looks around the room and notices Barron doesn't really fit into the group. She was the only white child in there. She shoots Kevin a glare as if saying "don't you dare mess this up for me before gettin' my cupcake so Kevin plays along. They were nice enough to even give Barron a goodie bag and informed Kevin she was the life of the party. Glad to know my daughter takes after her parents with their no fear attitude. Rock on Sista!!!
Enjoy the rest of your day. May it be filled with cupcakes from random birthday's and not finding lids to match tupperware!

I would like to take a moment to discuss a little Romance. As you learned in previous posts I am not a huge fan of this phenomenon. I am good with a evening at the Lakewood's 1st and 10 or the Regal Beagle (oh how I miss that filthy place). No need for Cheesy lines and candles...blah blah blah. So with that I would like to address last night. I have watched the Bachelor since season 1 with whats his name? Mr. Forgettable! The only person I remember from that season is Trista and thats only because ABC has shoved her down out throats for years. I can't figure out why I continue to watch. That show is all about cheesy romance. If a dude said some of the things to me that they say to each other on that show I would be out of there in a New York Minute. Hearing some of those thing is like nails on a chalkboard and just makes me want to yack! I think I would rather have a guy pick me up for a date wearing Tevas and socks. I could at least deal with that. Sure I would be embarrassed going out with someone looking like a fool but I could deal with that better then "my heart was literally crying for you" and " oh baby why do I like having you in my arms so much" comments which is what Mr. Jake busted out with last night. BTW someone did use that line on me once " why do I like having you in my arms so much" My answer... I'm not sure but we need to talk. Bless his heart that was the last cheesy line he used on me. Robyn...Out.. Back to my original point... don't get me wrong normally if a guy showed up for a date with tevas and socks on I would simply shut the door and put my PJs back on but if given the choice between cheesy lines/ blowin smoke up my rear end and tevas and socks, its gonna go with Mr. tevas every time. My brother and sister use to play this game that was just impossible to play. They would come up with these ungodly situations that no one in their right mind would be able to choose between. Example: Would you rather eat a fat ugly mans booger or eat a pile of horse poo? HUH?!?!?! Really?!?!?! They would always get so mad at me because my answer was always the same... neither!!!!!! And they would say no no no you have to choose one. How is one to choose something like that. I am for damn sure not going to eat a ugly fat mans anything and horse poo isn't an option either. So I would always get expelled from the game.
I have always wondered why I have such an issue with Cheesy dudes. I am kinda a girly girl and you would think I would eat that stuff up. But instead it makes me itch and I don't fully understand why... After thinking about it for a while and going back to my childhood wondering what went wrong there that would make me so opposed to this and I think I figured it out. I blame it all on my brother. Now everyone get your minds out of the gutter... sicko's!!! Yes I'm from Arkansas but that isn't what I meant. I blame him for a very different reason that all your sick minds are thinking. He and I use to share a bathroom. We had our own toilets and sinks but we had to share a tub/shower area. I can remember every time I went to take a bath I needed to take an axe in there with me to scrape off all the boogers he had whipped on the walls. I think there was a whole booger constellation on that wall. He would also fart on me and poop in my bathroom "forgetting" to flush so that I would have a little gift the next time I would walk in. I think I grew up thinking that this is just how guys act... Nasty creatures that irritate us so much but we couldn't live without. On my mothers side I was the only girl for a while. I had 2 older cousins, both boys. And they along with my dad and uncle would fart and blame me. Yelling eeeewwwww Robyn honey your sick... I can't believe you just tooted at the table or Ugh Robyn didn't your mama teach you not to toot in public. I would insist over and over again it wasn't me before busting out in tears. I guess teasing me was a way for them to show me they cared and loved me. This in turn is what I expected all men to do and behave.
When I met my husband he always told me he would never marry a girl that didn't grow up with brothers. I never really understood why but I think I finally get it. He said this because he knew he would be able to fart on me etc..etc.. and it wouldn't faze me at all. I have never really flinched when he did something disgusting. I brushed it off as I learned to do with my brother and cousins so many years before. I was never really shocked by anything he did and I loved the fact that he new my issues with cheesy and didn't go there at all. I have always thought that we were a match made in an uncheesy Heaven. He isn't the most romantic person either and also isn't a big fan of Cheese. He took that to a whole new level a few years back while on a lovely vacation in California. We were having a fantastic trip when he brought up the idea of a day trip to Tijuana. What a wonderful idea I thought, a little day trip to sunny Mexico. Ummm Hello no one warned me that Tijuana and Cancun were not even close to the same atmosphere. I was absolutely mortified after crossing the boarder. I hadn't seen such filth since the Regal Beagle. Anyway we made the best of it and whet walking up and down the trashed streets of not so beautiful Tijuana. I was superglued onto Kevin's arm with fear that I was going to be abducted at any moment my the Mexican drug cartel. We stopped for a few beers and had decided to move on to the next destination. This is when my not so romantic and no cheese husband looks me dead in the eye with a total straight face and says "Hey Honey lets go see the XXX women and a donkey show... it'll be romantic." At this I stopped dead in my tracks, my mouth hit the filthy ground of Tijuana and ate my words. I see it clearly now...It doesn't have to be cheesy to be romantic I just has to be the furthest thing from a woman and a donkey show!!!

For the first time in a long time I didn't have any poop issues. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I feel like my life lately has been completely bombarded with poop. Pooped disguised as purple gummy's, poop finger paints, and poo dollar. I am beginning to detect some sort of pattern. So for now I am poop free and what a relief that is. However, I am very aware that the night is young and that there is plenty of time for that to all change. I may be eating my words by night fall. I suppose eating my words is much better then the forever dreaded purple gummy. I feel like J Lo in that movie The wedding planner. She won't eat any M&M's that weren't brown and now till the day I die I won't eat gummy's that are purple. And now I will never be able to eat any gummy without thinking of J Lo and that stupid movie. Moving on to more important issues.
I feel like I have been a bad American by not watching every minute of the olympics. I would rather eat purple gummy's then watch a sport I think it ridiculous in the first place. I would like to add a small disclaimer here if you don't mind: If you or anyone you know, have met, play golf with or work in the cubical next to, partakes in any of the below listed sports I truly mean no offense. Curling? I mean honestly! I don't see shuffelboard in the summer olympics and it seems to me that is the same thing. The only difference being one is on ice and the other on a sandy table. I'm pretty sure one of them involves a broom or a mop of some kind... who cares potato potahto. Please explain to me what the point is and how in the name of God does one find out that they are good at it. I can't ever remember as a kid running out to play a friendly game of Curling. I do however, remember skiing, show boarding, ice skating, etc... you know "real sports" I also can't seem to wrap my head around skeleton. I don't know at what point it becomes a good idea to get on a sled Head first nonetheless and go down a humongous ramp at 90 miles a hour. Did these people's parents not teach them not to do stupid things that could cause bodily harm? And where was that irritating tattle tale to run and tell their parents on them for doing in anyway. I truly think some people have the sense God gave a goose. I do however enjoy watching a little Ice skating. Barron and I are way into Johnny Weir. He is totally off his rocker and I think it is fantastic. Something about that man/girl fascinates me. And I think he is a spectacular skater. We have also enjoyed a little couple skating and ice dancing action. I am totally confused about many of them being married and/or dating. I was under the impression that Men figure skaters were gay. Shows me not to stereotype. So the other night we all packed in my bed to playing a little "Country Family" and watching a little ice dancing. We were totally into it when Kevin pointed out that there were not only some married skaters but also a few brother/sister teams. The second those words came out of his mouth he gave me this death stare and says "don't you even think about it" I sat there in a state of shock for a second not knowing what in the world he could possible be referring to. Did he honestly think that I would subject my own precious son to a life of ice dancing. Really?!?!? I might as well sign him up for Ballet and a little Ballroom Dancing classes while I was at it!! Did he really think I would do that? Did he know me at all? Hello I was born into a family of men who kill things for a hobby. My always manly dad and brother would disown me. Fulton will be subjected to a life of hunting and killin' things but definitely not ice dancing. Like every mother from Arkansas we want our son's deep in the heart of Stuttgart come huntin' season not prancin' around the ice rink unless he is learning to play the also manly sport of hockey. I already have to be a soccer mom I'm not sure I could take being a Hockey mom too. I think that would come with a territory I am totally unfamiliar with. I would have to give good ole Sarah Palin a call to figure out what goes along with being a hockey mom and I'm pretty sure with my accent I wouldn't fit in with all the yankee's so I think I'll stick to the original idea of good old fashioned huntin'. Do my dad and brother proud. And with that I must go as the ever lingering poo issue has reared it's ugly head again. Fulton has just pooped in the tub. Fantastic!